2008 Beijing Olympics

United States athlete says "Where the hell is Beijing?" Excluded from games? Pg. 3A

Obama/Winfrey

Barack Obama dumps Biden for a vice president more familiar to the nation? Pg. D8

Saturday, March 28, 2009

CRAZED LEPER ESCAPES COLONY, TERRORIZES CITY

Gargascagar Islands, North Syrbet- The Molokai'Iki leper colony has, for generations, been the only home of the excluded lepers of Syrbet. The far-off colony has kept to itself very peacefully over the past six centuries, until, on August 12th, the first member to leave the camp did.
The escape by raft over 200 miles of sea caused an outbreak of the disease in a coastal city called Jambodia. The leper, whom scientists claim, had gone mad with hunger, despair, and cabin fever, a typical insanity which comes over people trapped in a small place over a long period of time, had entered the homes of forty six people, and hugged them all.
When local police looked into the case the next morning, they found that over sixty five people had already been diagnosed with the early symptoms of leprocy, and the disease was still spreading.
Local police were able to track the whereabouts of the terrorist through the city. The leper was in the last cycle of the disease and was beginning to lose body parts at a rapid pace. Police tracked him through the streets, alleyways, and office buildings by following his trail of dismembered body parts. When authorities found him, he was already dead, his body lying in the Ghyshee River, where his body had been pulled up to shore by the current, after he had apparently jumped to his death.
When police arrived in the city, they were able to successfully quarentine the disease, and take the new leper victims to the Molokai'Iki leper colony via ferry, though studies indicate that one civilian attacked by the terrorist was able to leave the city before police arrived. A search has been assigned to catch the infected citizen before the disease is spread.

ORIGINS OF BACK PROBLEMS DISCOVERED

Tenhaum Medical Institute (TMI), Charleston, Vermont- Medical researchers at the TMI claimed to have found a major contribution to back problems in elders. Their theory is that the problems are caused by the process of feeding large amounts of dairy products to infants.
"The problem is the amount of calcium in dairy," said medical researcher, Don Denham, "Being that infants are unable to eat solid food, and most drinks are unsuitable for feeding children under three, most parents turn to milk bottles or breastfeeding.
"But the thing is that milk holds large amounts of this calcium, which is known to help bones grow and strengthen. This is where the problem occurs. As calcium particles reach the vertibrae, the small bones making up the spine, it could create a slight overgrowth within the bone. Although the growth does not actually take effect until about the age of forty-five, can be very serious once it does."
Dr. Denham and his assistants explained that as the bones grow more with age, the space in between individual vertibrae slowly decreases, causing tightness and cramps.
Medical doctors have been attempting to avoid the issue by injecting Anti-Calgenic acid, a calcium-eating solution, into the spinal fluid to decrease the amount of calcium entering the vertibrae.
Even though scientists claim to have found the final solution, many sources contradict this theory. "The only problem with this new injection," says Dr. Streinham, of the Cleveland Medical University, "Is this acid will eat away bone marrow if excess calcium is not available, making the infants' bones weak." Dr. Jamie Streinham insists to instead find a better infant formula that doesn't hold as large an amount of calcium as dairy.