2008 Beijing Olympics

United States athlete says "Where the hell is Beijing?" Excluded from games? Pg. 3A

Obama/Winfrey

Barack Obama dumps Biden for a vice president more familiar to the nation? Pg. D8

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

MUMMIFIED MURDER VICTIMS FOUND

Burnshire, Oaklahoma- Fourteen mummified bodies were found in the small flat of a 37-year old man on Thursday. Investigators believe that he had been killing and collecting the bodies of his own family members for at least seven years.
Police investigated the apartment at 8:15 Pm, when the man's neighbors, who wish to not have their names identified, called in to the authorities complaining that they smelled a definite odor of rotting bodies emitting from his room. When police investigated, they found the bodies in fourteen homemade wooden coffins, all scribed with Egyptian symbols, a table scattered with old Egyptian mummification equipment, and a wardrobe full of native costumes that were thought to have been stolen from a nearby history museum opproximately nine years ago.
The man, who's name is Charles Raymond-Starsky, was not home when the authorites arrived, but returned while police were still present, after going to buy two large containers of Kosher salt to mummify his two new bodies.
Mr. Raymond-Starsky was brought to a court, where he claimed he was doing right for society by bringing back the old tradition. Mr. Raymond-Starsky will be brought to Burnshire Penitentiary. The bodies will be taken for cleaning and given proper burial sometime next week.